WASHINGTON - A Wake Forest University researcher has challenged the traditional view of happy holidays by pointing out that the higher our expectations, the less likely we are to be actually happy.

Researcher Samuel Gladding says it is the pressure to be happy that often leads to sadness and even depression during the holidays.

He shares five tips for more realistic holiday expectations, and a redefinition of what it means to have a happy holiday season.

Don’t idealize the holidays

It’s paradoxical that the more you try to live up to that kind of expectation, the more frustrated, disappointed and unhappy you are likely to be with yourself and others. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself to make everything just right.

Accept people for who they are

Just as we idealize the holidays, we also have an ideal of how we think people should behave, from their table manners to the way they dress. But unless they’re doing something totally unacceptable, it’s better to enjoy people for who they are instead of who you want them to be.

Tell stories

Talking about good times and good memories with others is inspiring and gives us a great feeling, whether the people we talk about are with us anymore or not. Certain memories may make us more melancholy, but more thankful as well.

Take unilateral action

It’s always hard to stop family feuds once they have started, but the holidays are a perfect time to call a truce. Just as nations take unilateral action during conflicts, sometimes we as individuals have to take unilateral action as well. We can tell ourselves that no matter what someone says, we’re not going to react.

Don’t stew in your own juices

Your holiday meal is the only thing that should be stewing this holiday season. So if you find yourself at home and depressed, think of ways to help someone else. There’s always a need for volunteers at homeless shelters this time of year or other opportunities to give back to the community. (ANI)